20. Dear January, My Willpower Is On A Budget: Intentionally Becoming

Resolutions usually promise a brand-new you by January 1, then fizzle by February. We’re taking a different path: becoming, not resolving. In this reflective year-end conversation, we unpack why willpower-heavy plans collapse and how identity-based habits make change feel natural rather than forced. When actions align with who we believe we are, even small steps compound into meaningful, sustainable growth.

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- Alita <3

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Chapters

• 0:22 A Milestone And New Year Focus
• 1:07 Resolutions As Becoming
• 3:14 Why Most Resolutions Fail
• 5:22 Identity-Based Habits That Stick
• 10:22 Letting Go To Make Space
• 12:27 Three Reflective Year-End Questions
• 14:10 Practical, Gentle Next Steps
• 15:18 Closing: Choose Intention Over Overhaul

Transcript

SPEAKER_01: 0:22

Hello, hello, beautiful people. Welcome back to Vita with Alita. I'm really glad you're here today. And guess what? This is our last episode for 2025. We are entering a new year, and and this is episode number 20, which maybe to some of you may not be a big deal, but to me, it means that I've committed to sit down, record, upload 20 times. So I can probably do it again another 52 times for 2026. It's really cool. I'm really glad that episode 20 fell on our last episode of 2025. And as we approach the new year, I wanted to make an episode about, you know, about becoming versus resolving. And I'll get into what I mean right now. So as we approach a new year, let's be real, there is this pressure that starts to surface that we all feel weighing down on us. The expectation that we need to reinvent ourselves, we need to set ambitious resolutions, and somehow we're gonna wake up on January 1st more disciplined, more accomplished, more willing, more everything. But today I'm here to pause that narrative. And I'm going to pause it by prefacing and saying, I am somebody who believes in New Year's resolutions. Literally, my whole fitness journey was based on a New Year's resolution I made in 2018. So I'm not against New Year's resolutions in any way. But but there's always a but. New Year's resolutions should not be about radical reinvention, reinventing your whole self, waking up, and you're just gonna be a completely different person on January 1st. New Year's resolutions are about becoming. Becoming through choices that are intentional, that are measured, and that are sustainable. Because hopefully we can see over and over as I repeat this type of theme throughout different episodes. Growth that lasts a lifetime is never like a dramatic giant shift. Okay, because we always like to live on some sort of equilibrium. And if you're gonna be on one extreme, something, your body, your life, just something is going to always bring you back to the middle. So that's why when you go to extremes, things don't last. This is why we need to build goals and new year resolutions that are sustainable, that are deliberate. So our word of the week this week is not a fancy word. It's definitely one that you've heard before, but it's intentional. And I'm gonna extend this word of the week to I want this to maybe be the word of the year, the word that you remind yourself every year in 2026 as you are working towards your potential New Year's resolutions. And to live intentionally means to move through life with some sort of conscious direction rather than, you know, reacting, urgency, comparison, external pressure. Intentional an intentional life asks the following. Why am I choosing this? Does this align with who I am becoming? And can I sustain this without depleting myself? So keep this word in mind as we move through today's conversation and as you move through the new year. Okay, so why do resolutions usually fail? I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but let's be real. On January 1st, gyms are absolutely full. By Valentine's Day, they are not. Okay, why? This is because research in behavioral psychology consistently shows that most New Year's resolutions fail within weeks. And this is not because the entire population lacks discipline, although there is obviously that sort of issue at hand, yes, but it's because the resolutions that we make for ourselves are often built on intensity and fast results rather than intention. And this is this is where we go wrong because neuroscience literally tells us that willpower is finite. When we design goals that rely on constant self-control, we are creating systems that are inherently unsustainable. So an intentional approach to change will ask a different type of question. So it's not going to ask, how much can I force myself to do? Rather, it's going to be, what can I maintain with steadiness and clarity? Sustainability is not a lack of ambition. And I think this is where we get it wrong. If anything, sustainability, we can think of it as refined ambition, intentional ambition. So, research on identity-based habit formation shows that lasting change occurs when behaviors align with self-perception. And this is not a new concept. This is something that we've spoken about before, that is pretty well known when it comes to habit formation and behavioral change. But in other words, people will sustain habits not because they are motivated, but because the habits feel consistent with who they believe themselves to be. So intentional change will begin internally within yourself. So instead of setting a rigid outcome, oh, I need to lose 20 pounds in 2026, you need to ask yourself, okay, what values am I choosing to live by this year? What kind of person am I intentionally becoming? What actions support that identity without eroding my well-being? By doing this, you're becoming, you're becoming is directional. You're not performing something to achieve some big thing, like we talked about in the previous episode, just so you can take a picture of you losing 20 pounds. Like that's not the goal here. It's the process. Those quiet moments that are not going to be seen. And those quiet moments that are not going to be seen are going to rely on who you believe yourself to be, so that you can then show up for yourself. And this is why I'm a big fan of documenting and writing it down because that's proof for you. And it's also a reminder of the progress that you've made. So that's why when it comes to New Year's resolutions, don't make them rigid, don't make them based on some superficial expectation that you think you need to be following. It has to truly come from you. And I think this is why I was able to maintain a New Year's resolution that I had set for myself. I literally told myself I wanted to become a gym girl, basically, and that I wanted to be a fit chick. Back in the day when I started my fitness, my fitness journey, I had Instagram and I was following these fitness influencers on social media, and I kind of just wanted to be one in my own world. So I I made myself one in the sense that I was like, okay, the what what would this what would a girl who's a gym girl do? She would meal prep and she would wake up early to go to the gym. And I did. And because I saw myself that way, I was able to build the habits to become that person. And I was aligning my actions with what I was envisioning myself to be. You know what's interesting? I read this thing, I don't remember for what now, but I read this thing somewhere where in some cultures becoming a good person is defined by the actions that you do. So we're all kind of born neutral, and you are then labeled as a good person based on the actions that you do. And this is pretty common sense. Like we know someone's a good person because we have like a record of things they've done showcasing that they're a good person. But specifically, what I was reading is if you want to become a good person, you just had to, even if you weren't in that moment, you would just do good deeds. And if you didn't know what good deeds were, you would ask somebody. And you would do those good deeds because then you would kind of make a snowball effect where you're of a bunch of good deeds where you eventually become a good person. Same thing applies here. What are you envisioning yourself to be? And then write down, okay. What would a person who who I don't know does yoga? Well, well, okay, I want to be a yogi. What does a yogi do? How do you what are you what does it mean to be a yogi? How are you defining that? Write it down and then write down, okay. So if a person who does yogi practices yoga, that means that I need to get on my mat and practice yoga. Okay, that's that's one actionable step. It means that I am going to do this, that, and the other. So identity is a very big part of it. Now, shifting gears a little bit, I want to get into something that may be sometimes overlooked. And this is letting go. When you're becoming this newer, improved version of yourself. Sometimes letting go is very important, and it's one of the main things that you kind of have to do. Cognitive science shows that excess goals and identities increase mental load and reduce emotional regulation. So I bring this up because excess goals, excess goals means you probably are not going to be able to accomplish all of them at once. You may have to let go of some. And letting go is not failure. Again, this is discernment. An intentional life is not crowded. If you're going to be intentional about the actions that you choose, you can't just be bombarding yourself with a million things. That's no longer intentional. Now you're crowding yourself and you're stuck in the noise. So do you have to take a moment here and reflect? And I want us to reflect on the past year and what we want to bring into the new year. And this reflection will allow us to A, see, okay, who do we want to become? What are we doing to be sustainable? And what are we letting go of? So you can ask yourself, what is one way I lived intentionally this past year? And don't say nothing. Like the even the smallest thing. Maybe something in your daily habits that you don't even realize is intentional. For example, when you drink your cup of coffee with breakfast. For me personally, I intentionally am drinking coffee because I enjoy the taste and it just brings me that moment of peace. But I also intentionally only drink one cup. And maybe you don't think about it because I am drinking coffee every single day. But what's that intentional way that you lived this past year? Next, ask yourself, what is one expectation I'm ready to release? Now, this is important because I expect by the end of 2026 I'm gonna have this butt and that body and this stomach and that and that and the other and this hair and those nails. What is one expectation that you're ready to completely release? Lastly, what is one value that you want to prioritize moving forward? Just one. I know values are hard to choose because they're so important to us, and there are so many: health, family, work-life balance, whatever it is, but pick one and you're going to see that as you are practicing towards that one, you will be able to then extend it to others if needed. For example, if you are choosing health, you value your health. Well, part of your health is your mental health, your social health, your social connections. So, in that you will more likely value your family and family time because it is good for your health. You know what I mean? A lot of things are interconnected. So just pick one. I value my health and my my me time. This means I'm gonna take half an hour to walk every day, every other day. This just means I'm going to do five sit-ups when I wake up just to start because I value my health, because I am a healthy person, because I am this, I am this, that, and the other. You also don't need to answer this immediately. Take time. We have time until the new year. Write it down though. Always write it down. You don't need an immediate answer, you just need to be aware. So to kind of end off, you don't need to overhaul your life this year. That's never going to work, and that's never the goal. What you do need is intention, you need sustainability, and you need patience with the process of becoming. And again, this is entangled with those quiet moments in life that we discussed in last week's episode. We are becoming somebody, and it's beautiful. We have a whole new year ahead to set a direction, to set an intention of who we want to become in this life. And that's a beautiful thing that we have the opportunity to do that. I hope you have the best new years and be kind with yourselves, be gentle. We're not setting New Year's resolutions that are concrete and rigid and based on what we consider successful outcomes. Rather, we're basing them on an identity shift, on who we want to truly become in the new year. Thank you for sharing this space with me on Vita with Alita. Until next time. I hope you move forward intentionally and take care.